Letter to Santa Edition

Dear Santa,

I know it's not really cool to write you, the lawyers say I have to say the word "holiday" instead of Christmas, and even though I put a disclaimer on this e-mail at the bottom, they tell me they can still read my e-mail. So I'm taking a chance in writing you on this "eve" of Christmas Eve.

Frankly Santa, it's been a crappy year. It started out ok, but during the year things got a little confusing. Those Satellite guys are all over our ass. Every time I turn on the TV it's either Howard Stern or Snoop Dog with all that "commercial free" bla,bla,bla. And Mel and that Hugh guy are in the Wall Street Journal talking trash about subs & churn & how they are going to wipe us off the map. I don't know, we tried to come up with a couple of spots that talk about how people hear freakin Elton John first on free radio then the guy (?) goes and cuts a spot for XM! What's up with that? I know he just got married, but jeez, can't he just do stuff for us too? Hell, we play "Daniel & Crocodile Rock" 1,000 times a day. Santa, can you bring us an effective campaign that speaks to the strengths of radio and not take shots at the Sat guys? We have a zillion listeners, they only have a few million. I know we've been bad in this area, but we promise to be better next year.

Also Santa, can you bring us a rating technology that captures our listening accurately & effectively. The media buyers at the agencies are really getting pissed about this "diary" thing. They don't think it's very accurate anymore. Hell, I can remember what I had for dinner three days ago, you would think people could remember their radio listening for a week. We give them money and everything! (ok, it's not a lot of money) But gosh, we are paying an arm & leg for these ratings and people should do what we tell them right? Our morning show just received an FCC fine and we can't afford to pay more for ratings. So, if you could send us something that gets this issue solved in 2006 it would be really great. By the way, you didn't hear this from me, but Clear Channel is asking for a new ratings service company. You may get a letter from them. Be careful, what's good for Clear Channel may not be good for us. Keep your ears open on this one.

And Santa, can you bring all the families in North America an HD radio? We sure could use a bunch for 2006. If you can get them into stores for under $500 that would be good too! We are spending a friggin fortune on new transmitters, but, there is really nothing in the programming cupboard to put on these radios yet. Our programming guy, tiny Tim is working on something to put on HD, but he's so busy with the other four stations, he can't have the time. We're working on getting him help, but this guy in NY, (you may hear from him, he's running for Governor next year, my guess he'll ask you for a win on election day.) is telling us what we can and can't do. I think he's getting a bit bossy myself. Plus he's telling the FCC EVERYTHING! Jeez, what a tattle tale. Just because a few dumb asses took a TV & a trip, we all now have to be careful about everything. I'm scared to even listen to music anymore. (Santa, don't bring the lawyers anything this year. With payola, indecency, and EEO going for them, they have enough money.)

Santa, I know this letter is getting long, but if we can ask for just one more thing? Can we get some guidance from your Elves regarding courage? It's going to take courage to think our way through these issues. Maybe you could send a book or something. There is really great talent, managers, and everyday employees in radio. They are working their tails off for what is now a single digit growth business. It's going to take tons of courage for radio leaders to work smarter, with less ego, and more knowledge. They don't know everything, but if they try to read the listeners, advertisers, & their own employees, they will make it to 2007.

If you and Mrs. Clause could gently show radio leaders that despite all the bad stuff that happened in 2005, there are people at the stations working very hard for the community they serve. Some of those radio people in New Orleans are still living out of trailers. They put their stations ahead of even their own families at times. Can you imagine? We just had a transit strike in NYC this week. (your sleigh would have NOT been able to drive in Manhattan unless you had a few elves "pooling it" with you.) A lot of station employees slept at the stations, so New Yorkers could stay informed. I know you sent I-Pods to everyone last year, but, I have to tell you, they didn't mean a damn thing! (oops, sorry for the cursing Santa) When bad stuff happens, there is nothing like the smell of RF in the morning! (that's the radiation that emanates from a transmitter. You would call it a "signal".) It's what makes radio great. And we do it everyday!

Well, that's it Santa. As you cross North America tomorrow night, keep an eye out for those flashing lights coming from our towers. And remember, connected to those towers are people. People that care about the people you are visiting tonight. All that stuff in your sleigh would not be there if someone didn't sell an ad, write the copy, read the message, and get people into stores. They hear our traffic reports, play our music, call our hosts, laugh at our dumb jokes and cry at the stories we tell. Sometimes we screw up, but mostly we've been good this year. It's just that sometimes, not everybody realizes it.

But Santa, if you'll just consider our list above, perhaps we'll be better next year!

Warmest Regards for a Happy Holiday,

xoxo

Commercial Radio

Ps. (Don't take the milk & cookies we leave out, unless you sign the payola/plugola form.)

Happy Holidays to everyone from Fig!